♠+♥+♣ . . . "A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go". I'm not sure kung para sakin ang " heart warmer " nayan o para kay Mark. Maybe to both of us dahil pareho kaming nagmamahal sa taong hindi kayang suklian ang pagmamahal namin sa kanila kung gaano namin sila kamahal. Si Mark sa pagmamahal sakin and me? sa pagmamahal ko kay Jan. It just sad to think na we need to invest emotion, time and love to someone na akala namin is meant to be for us but sunddenly we find out na lahat ng investment na yun we need to throw dahil wala narin saysay kung patuloy na lumaban sa wala namang pinaglalaban.♠+♠+♠+♠+♠+♠+♠+♠+♠
. . . Mark call me one night, natempuhan na ako ang sumagot so no choice to talk with him hindi dahil galit ako kung bakit ko sya iniiwasan this fast few weeks. Naiisip ko lang na kung di ako ang iiwasan walang mangyayari bcoz I know mas lalo ko lang bibigyan ng false hope si Mark kung mananatili kami sa dating kami b4 the break up. I'm happy to know na after all na nangyari walang nagbago sa samahan namin ni Mark but sad to say ayuko ng ipekto nun kay Mark, becoz he still hoping na kami parin at sya parin ang mahal ko. So before i hurt him again and again at huli na para magsise to give him a false hope and a wrong sign ako na ang iiwas kahit na its hard for me dahil pati ang CYBER's i need to let go pansamantala para lang makarecover si Mark. Mark asking kung bakit iniiwasan ko sya " he knows the reason pero he always denied it " pati daw yung championship ng basket ball league hindi ko pinuntahan " sinadya kong hindi pumunta just to spare him" when he asked kung may nagawa ba daw ba syang mali o galit ba daw ako sakanya "again" i need to say to him what the reason even i know he knows but he didnt accepted it. I know I'm not desreving to his Love... kaya bago pa masayang ang time to meet his girl who belong his purely love mas maiging kahit pakikipagkaibigan putilin muna namin becouse i think its not a good idea kung patuloy nya kong makikita while he heal his broken heart.
♠ ♠ ♠ ♠ ♠ ♠ ♠ ♠ ♠ ♠
. . . .How can I believe in love, when the one who taught me to love didn't know its meaning?. hangal nga ako dahil i always hoping na lahat ng paghihirap ko at pagmamahal for Jan ay may kakahinantnan. Minsan i asked myself kung hanggang saan ako makakarating ng dahil sa pagmamahal na to' sometimes i asked kung tama bang igive up ko si Mark para lang kay Jan or maybe to let my heart to be broken because of Jan kesa ang maramdaman kung paano mahalin ng labis-labis. I never fail to smile & cheer up kahit nasasaktan ako ni Jan coz it gives me courage to continue struggling on life's battle & I believe that life is all about acceptance, learning how to accept things d way it is makes life easier than what we actually think of, it is also a matter of choice...and i choose to be happy!=) even its hurt . . .
. . . . Maraming activity sa school, masyado akong busy minsan hindi ko na nakakausap si Jan dahil after school natutulog ako at magigising gabi na. All my night i spend to read my lesson and do my assignment and sometimes hindi narin ako naiihahatid ni Jan dahil i know pagod sya sa work nya kaya imbis na gumising ng maaga he sleep until 8am para may lakas sya. All things is okei, after a big fight noong June the whole month of July is being better, naiwasan namin ang mag-away always. Kapag may tampuhan inaayos namin b4 we sleep, kaya sabi ko if ever happened again hindi ako ganun agad gigive up because i invest all my emotions to this realtionship, all my time and all my effort kaya kung may sisira man nun hindi sakin magmumula kung di kay Jan. But if there's someone who want to break our realtionship bukod samin ni Jan i assured mahihirapan sya dahil i decided na hindi isuko si Jan what ever happened until si Jan ang magsabi sakin that i need to give up.....
. . . . Pero mukhang sinusubukan talaga kami ng tadhana.... One day nagdala si Argel ng mga classmate niyang babae sa tambayan ng AHO. For me ussual ng may mga babaeng tumatambay sa tambayan ng AHO lalo na at kilalang mga babaero ang tropang iyon' kaya siguro kahit na may nararamdaman akong selos nasanay na rin ako dahil I know secured ako sa pagmamahal ni Jan at alam kong di nya ko lolokohin. Beside alam ng buong AHO kung sino ako at kung paano ako magalit kaya i know bago pa makagawa ng kalukuhan si Jan may magsasabi na sakin. Kaya kahit asar na asar ako sa mga bagong babae na dala ni Argel pinigilan ko ang sarili ko. May pinagaralan ako at di ko sasayangin yun just to them. . .
♣+♣+♣+♣+♣+♣+♣+♣
. . .Nagpunta sa bahay sina Jon, Gerl and Mhaei, nakipagkwentuhan rin samin si kuya Exor, i know wala si kuya Jhun dahil may exam sya kaya malamang hindi muna pumunta yun. I saw Jan with Abet galing "yata" silang HALINA. Nang ihatid ko ang GEKAJOM kasama ko rin sina Kuya exor, Abet and Jan after nun before ako umuwi nagpaalam si Jan na kayna Vincent lang daw dahil nandoon si Kuya Jhun ( i tought nasa school sya) kahit na alanganin akong payagan sya dahil may nakita akong mga "MERALCO GIRLS" pinayagan ko narin dahil kasama naman sina kuya Exor, at Abet saka nandoon din naman si Kuya Jhun. dahil kung may gagawin man si Jan na hindi maganda i know magdadalawang isip yun dahil nandoon sina Kuya.... but all my tought was down like the high hill, nagkwentuhan kasi kami ng utol ko that night bago matulog, ussually na gawain naming tatlong magkakapatid parang pinakabonding narin namin. And my brother told me kung alam ko raw na kasama si Jan ni Argel na ihatid yung mga "MERALCO Girl" i know concern lang sakin ang kapatid ko, lalo na si Kris dahil alam ko na alam nia na may lihim parin kaming relastion ni Jan alam nia na hindi parin napuputol ang ugnayan namin kahit na mahigpit na tinututulan yun ng mga olds ko dahil "magpinsan" daw kami ni Jan. Hindi ako kumibo but i sleep with a tears and some tought na may isa nanaman bang JOY at JEC na darating sa buhay namin ni Jan. . . .
♠ ♠ ♠ ♠ ♠ ♠ ♠ ♠ ♠ ♠
. . .... the next day i was cry with Jon, Gerl and Mhaei, Every time Jan involve with other girl kahit hindi payun napapatunayan hindi ko mapigilang bumangon ang pagaalala at takot na mangyari nanaman yung nangyari dati samin. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pagdating kay Jan napakasensitive ko, bawat galaw, bawat kilos, lahat lahat ng may tungkol sa kanya apektado ako. I never like this before, mula kay Ricky, kay Athan and more or less kay Mark . . . hindi makitid ang utak ko, pero ewan ko kung bakit kapag si Jan ang involve nagiging singhibla ng sinulid ang pag-iisip ko, hindi dahil wala akong tiwala kay Jan kundi wala akong tiwala sa mga pweding mangyari, or maybe siguro i know Jan very well hindi nun iniisip kung makakasakit ba sakin o hindi yung ginagswa nya as long as alam nia sasarili nya na masaya sya. At akong gaga ok lang sakin kahit na yung boyfriend ko ay isang stupido . . . because i love him kaya kahit anong sakit kinakaya ko because i know mas hindi ko kakayaning mawala sya. . . . kaya kahit magpakagaga ako ok lang because i still hoping na makikita yun ni Jan balang araw . . .
to be continue . . .
No comments:
Post a Comment