""MERRY XMAS" but Christmas was never been Merry and happy for us specially for me. This is the second time (Dec 25, 1996)that my dad was not with us. And we know this is not the only the second year the habang buhay na kaming walang ama tuwing pasko. And I know hindi lang ang pasko ang kaarawan na wala si daddy. But we need to accept that no matter what happened we need to move on and we need to face the fact na kahit na anong gawin namin dad will not coming back anymore but he is still and never be lost in our heart kahit ganun pa katalagal syang mawala.Because xmas vacation I stay @ home kung hindi aq yayain ni Grace at mga pinsan ko na maglaro ng valley ball o badminton hindi aq lalabas pero nunka rin aqng magpunta sa GDR para tumambay lang at makita ang isang taong kahit na I don’t feel angry with him dahil naalis na ng dumaang mga araw hindi q parin gustong makita sya dahil hindi ko alam kung anong ang mararamdaman q natatakot aqng bumalik yung galit q o yung pagmamahal q sa kanya. Kaya bago pa ko magsise’ I just decided na pareho ko nalang iwasang maramdaman yun. Because I don’t want to regret again and again.
Naging masaya naman ang xmas day namin at new year day kahit na may kulang. Because we know masaya rin si daddy where ever he is and we know na lahat ng nangyayari theres a reason. Halos two or three weeks din ang vacation kaya na miss ko tuloy yung mga kulokoy. But last xmas nakita ko naman sina Dodie, Si poknat at Lando kasi malapit lang naman yung bahay nila samin. Sina Nato naman and Icad (Ricahard) napadaan lang dahil sinsamahan yung mga kapatid na mamasko. Kami naman ni Rica nagkita sa house nila b4 new year eve kasama si Nilo. Sina May at love naman nagkita kami nung mismong araw ng pasko dahil nagpunta sila sa mga tita nila na malapit sa bahay namin. If you want to know bout Ricky? well as far as I heard sa mga kapatid q nadadaan pa naman samin kahit minsan pero not like b4 na nagtatagal. bumibili lang yata ng kutkutin sa tindahan but he didn’t stay long. Kasi I know they moving yata dun sa new house na nabili ng mommy nia sa suidad del sol ( hmp dun nakatira si Nato ah). And before I knew it back to school na... yaheeeyyyy tapos narin sa wakas ang vacation......
Hay salamat after a long and almost three weeks finish na ang vacation wew I know nagtataka kayo why im so happy dahil pasukan nanaman hindi katulad ng iba na nalulungkot dahil tapos na raw ang vacation. Siguro kasi bukod sa may panahon na para maglakwatsa eh mas gusto kong maglagi sa school kesa sa bahay. If you thinking because him (jan-jan) siguro half nalang ng reason ko why is him but most of all my reason why I want to be in school kesa sa bahay dahil I want to ignore all the burden, all the pain and sadness sa tuwing makikita ko si mommy na nahihirapan sa pagtratrabaho why I only watch her na kahit gusto q syang tulungan I don’t know how I don’t know wat I need to do. And I always thinking yung mga memory ni daddy kapag nasa bahay lang aq and even I told to my self that I was accept that he was gone and never come back anymore, hindi ko parin maalis sa isip ko na that’s why my mother need to work hard dahil wala na yung taong dapat katuwang nia for that. Kaya kesa makita aq ng mommy q na ganun at makabigat lang sa dalahin nia mas gugustuhin qng masabing rebeldeng anak because I know my mom knew who I am and I’m not that kind. She loved me and she believe me.
Dahil first day of school after along vacation wala pang masyadong ginawa kundi ang maglinis kaya walang lipatan ng classes. Well usual katakot takot na kwentuhan at kalukuhan ang mga pinaggagawa namin ng mga tropa. parang halos isang taon kaming di mga nagkitakita. And sa recess sabay sabay kaming nagpunta sa canteen. pero ng tanghalian hindi parin aq umuwi kaya nagpunta stay nalang aq sa pathway reading some book. Nilapitan nga aq ni Jun just to say hi masyado daw aqng busy sa gingawa q. Well I said hindi q sya napansin. Tapos nun umalis na. Hay buhay talaga nga naman. Ewan ko ba sa taong yun torpe ba , mahiyaain lang o talagang ganun lang sya sa lahat ng "friend" nia. But for me mas ok na yun kesa naman sa wala right. The first thing na pinagkaabalahan namin sa school is the field day, kaya double practise nanaman aq. Ang DNR kasi ang open remark at syempre ung whole grade six presentation. dahil 10 section kami hinati sa dalawa ang sayaw sa lahat ng grades year. From 1 to 5 sila ang unang mag pe-perform then sunod ang 6 to 10. Bukod dun may NSET test pa kami kaya wala munang lipatan kapag nasa room review kami then kapag time na naming magpractise sa ground sayaw naman. After class hours sa DNR naman aq. Since na mgaing magkibigan kami ni Rosalio I just understand him. nakuha ko naring makipagbiruan sa kanya maybe we are a little bit closed minsan tuloy I saw timothy na masama ang tingin samin but I ignored him of course I not committed to any one specially to him so I can be closed and chat to someone I want. But I was confused of some one, kasi one time while I was in the path way wala lang nakatanaw lang aq sa harap ng stage I don’t know what I was thinking kasi nasa harap ng stage yung building namin siguro naiisip q lang magpahingin hindi ko napansin na may tumabi na pala sakin and I just surprise when I see that was Jun. Asking me kung sino daw iniisip ko, wag ko daw isipin yun mahal ako nun ( then some one seek in at my mind and that was Jan) I was so sad ng ibalik ko yung tingin ko sa stage while I answer Jun na ' hindi aq nun mahal bcoz if he love me he didn’t hurt me this much' I don’t know kung namamalikmalta lang aq nang tingnan ko si Jun nakita ko sa mata nia na parang may nabanaag aqng lungkot sa mata nia pero bago pa ulit aqng mabulag sa nararamdaman ko I ignore that sign siguro may problema lang sya sa bahay nila. Nagpaalam na q sa kanya at sinabing papasok na q sa classroom q. Ewan q kung bakit that day I was thinking a romantic things and scene na sa pagtataka ko hindi si Jan ang nasa isip kong kasama ko but it was Jun. But I was ignored lahat ng iniisip q at nararamdaman q I don’t want to conclude aqain na mahal aq ng isang tao then suddenly I was realized that is just I big lie dahil aq lang pala ang nakakaalam na mahal ko nia q. But hindi q iniwasan si Jun i just let my feelings just only in me. kahit i know habang tumatagal I making a big fool sa sarili ko dahil I think I fall in love with him pero I didn’t want to make him knew about what I feel. hindi dahil wala syang gusto sakin kundi because I know, I feel sa kinikilos nya since the first day that the school resume until this week na lagi nia qng nilalapitan I think he had some feeling for me but I know that is not strong feeling that I have for him. Kaya sakin nalang muna kung ano man yung nararamdaman q and I just want to fallow to the flow kung saan kami dadalhin nito. I’m not afraid to fall in love again bcoz I know I did already, it just that I don’t want to hurt again, I think it to much to bearer all the sadness and pain mula kay daddy up to Jan kaya I just want to be like this ang magmahal kahit aq lang ang nakakalam ng pagmamahal na iyon'.
to be continue. . . .
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