Ñð ÖÑè whð Kñëw †hê Rë£ Me !! - 32

Just had to breakup with him... I didn't love him anymore. no i still love him but i dont in love with him... Then why does it hurts knowing he loves me so much. I'm afraid to be alone and I'm afraid that no one will ever love me the way he did. He hurt me and he don't trust me so we brought us apart or so I think, but right now all I want to do is cry.......I act like a normal, its look like nothing to happened even inside of me was crying. I thought ganun lang un kadali. Nangging mahirap sakin ang mga sumunod na mga araw. Iniwasan ko muna si Mark and despite of every thing I’m happy na hindi nagalit sakin ang Cyber. One day nga Chris came to my room just to asked if I am ok he told him sorry dahil sa mga nangyari. But I know walang dapat sisihin kung bakit nangyari samin ni Mark ang ganun. Maybe everything was meant to be to happened. Dahil sa lahat na nangyari mas lao aqng naging closed kayna Jan and Dennis especially sa AHO. But I know I need to make a decision the sooner the better para hindi na kami parehong mahirapan ni Mark. I admit na I still love Jan but I know hindi ganun ang nararamdaman nia for me so I decided na mag- concentrate nalang kay Dennis beside I like Dennis naman so siguro naman matutunan ko rin syan mahalin. Mas ok na yun kesa umasa ko kay Jan then masasaktan rin aq afterwards. At least baka sakaling magkaroon ng himala matauhan si Jan na mahal pala nia q o di ba ang lakas ni bilib ko sasarili ko he he but before that I need to talk Mark I want to make everything clear ayuko ng may kaaway and most of all I don’t want to ruin kung ano man ang pinagsamahan namin kahit papano mahalaga sakin si Mark. And beside inaamin ko naman na ang laki talaga ng kasalanan ko sa kanya. I have fault kung bakit nagduda sya sa nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. Maybe he see one thing na hindi ko nakikita kaya he thought that I never love him but I swear I love him, minahal ko sya katulad ng pagmamahal nia sakin but the sad things hindi lang ganun katindi ang nararamdaman ko for him kaya siguro ng magkaroon ako ng pagkakataon na mahaling ng iba maramdaman na may iba palang hinahanap ang puso ko ganun nalang kadali para sakin ang balewalain ang pagmamahalan namin but I swear naging mahirap din para sakin ang desisyong ito because he is the first guy na masasaktan ko at kung pwedi ko lang turuan muli ang puso na mahalin sya I swear gagawin ko dahil I know sa kanya nakakasiguro ako that he loves me at hindi nia hahayaang masaktan aq.

Kaya after a week I decided to talk Mark at least ngayon hupa na pare-pareho ang galit namin sa isat-isa. Beside kelan pa ako isine-set-up ng cyber na makaipag-usap sa kanya kaya lang madali kong nahahalata iyon kaya hindi sila nagtatagumpay. But now I think it was a time kaya ako na mismo ang tumawag kay Vince I told him na kung pwedi kaming magusap ni Mark sa house nila wala pa kasi akong mukhang ihaharap sa parents ni Mark after what happened. And I told him na wag na syang magalit kay Mark dahil sa nangyari we both know na nabigla lang si Mark kaya nia ko nasampal, actually I want to thank Mark na sinampal nia ko dahil parang nagising aq kahit papano. at kung meron man kaming gap I think we better that to just between us hindi nila dapat idamay ang friendship nila. I understand Vince kung bakit sya nagalit kay Mark, even si Mark ang best friend nia I know he don’t want to see na may masaktan sa mga kaibigan nia lalo na daw at napalapit na ako sa kanya he said I’m like a little sister to him that he never had. Puro lalaki kasi sina Vince apat na mga malalaking lalake tapos si Vincent pa ang bunso kaya kahit na gaano ang galit nun kay Mark I know hindi nun kayang tiisin si Mark dahil halos magkapatid na ang turingan ng dalawang iyon kaya hindi ko makakaya kung dahil sakin masisira yun. Vincent agree to my favour, susunduin nalang daw nia q later sa School, but I said gusto ko sya ang sumundo kay Mark para magkaayos muna sila bago kami mag-usap. Si Mercy na ang bahalang pumik-up sakin. I want to talk Mercy also dahil I know I need to say sorry to her because I break his god brother’s heart and I know nasaktan ko rin si Mercy in the other way lalo na at closed sila ni Mark.

After Mercy and I talk sabay kaming nagpunta sa Baytown where Vincent leave. Nadatnan na namin roon si Mark. The first time our eyes meet nakita ko how he miss me. Siguro kung wala sina Vince at Mercy sa harap namin kanina pa nia ko niyakap. I feel so bad hindi ko akaling magagawa kong gawing mesarable ang buhay ng isang tao because the only he did is to love me. Minsan itinanong ko na sa sarili ko na ganito ba yung feeling nina Jan at Ricky when they break my heart, nasaktan rin ba sila habang nasasaktan ako. Why life is so unfair bakit hind nalang pweding isang beses ka nlang magmahal o kaya pwedi bang wala na lang masaktan o magdusa dahil sa pag-ibig. Vincent said na sa kwarto nalang niya daw kami mag-usap sila lang naman daw apat ang nasa bahay ngayon at ang luko nangudyok pa "kahit daw magsigawan kami at mag-restling walang pipigil samin" ( if I know ibang sigaw ang resling ang nasa isip ng gago) then I saw him na bumaba kasama si Mercy. Nagpatiuna akong pumasok sa kwarto ni Vince, I heard the foot step of Mark follow by me. I heard kung paano nia sinara yung pinto ng kawrto dahil sa katahimikang bumabalot sa paligid namin. Nagpunta ako sa terrace ng kwarto ni Vince mula roon tanaw mo ang buong wawa ng Angono ang hangin ang sarap ng pakirandam sana after we talk ganun ang maging pakiramdam ni Mark. Its took a minute bago ko narinig na nagsalita si Mark nakaupo sya sa gilid ng kama ni Vincent. Nakatungo.

"I am sorry" he said, I didn’t see if his cry or what

" I’m sorry too, I know you didn’t mean what you done" totoo yun sa puso ko.

I so him to look at me, straight form my eyes and I see the relief on him siguro dahil kahit papano nalaman nia na hindi ko sya tuluyang kinamuhian. It took a minute more bago sya nagsimulang magsalita ulit.

" did you really for give me" he said with a lower voice

kinapa ko muna ang sarili ko bago ko sya sagutin because I dint what na magkamali sa isasagot ko.

" yes, I for give you already, beside hindi mo naman kasalan nun kung tutuusin ako pa ang may kasalan sayo dahil ako ang nagpapaligaw even tayo pa"

" I’m sorry for what I said, hindi ko yun gustong sabihin I know you love me and I’m stupid kung hindi ko yun naramdaman" by this time I saw him stand lumapit sya sakin and he hold my hand. " I’m sorry sweet, I know I never be back what I have done, but please give me another chance "
he kiss me in my forehead, I closed my eyes I feel the sincerity sa bawat katagang sinasabi ni Mark but I know I need to say kung ano ang totoong nararamdaman ko dahil kung hindi mauulit lang kung ano ang nangyari last week.

" Mark " I try to focus, inalis ko ang bara sa lalamunan ko. "I believe na hindi mo sinasadya kung ano mang ang nagyari last week but we all bout know hindi na natin maibabalik pa kung ano ang meron tayo nun"

I look his eyes I see the pain. Halos panghinaan ako ng loob when I saw him crying but I know I need to continue para samin rin iyon. I put my two hand in his neck, para hindi hindi sya tumungo I want him to look at me while I saying the word that I know can broke his heart hindi dahil satista ko I want him to accept and understand para matanggap nia ang lahat and to move on afterwards ( parang ang daling sabihin pero ang hirap gawin)

" Dennis courted me pero hindi ko pa sinasagot and wala pa kong balak sagutin, but I admit I fall in love with other guy, I’m sorry but he came from my past, siguro your right na u feel sometimes na parang hindi mo kasama even I’m in your side siguro dahil hindi buo yung pagmamahal na ibinibigay ko sayo katulad ng pagmamahal na binibigay mo sakin but I swear I love you, I do but when I meet this guy "again" there's something in my hearth felt na hindi nagawang gisingin ng pag-ibig mo for me, I'm sorry even I know he didn’t love me but yet I still love him"
" if he not in love with you, why we need to separate" I don’t know how he say that after what I say pero naramdaman ko kung gaano sya nahirapan bigkasin ang mga salitang iyon.

" its because I don’t want to be unfair to you"

" maghihintay ako kathy, malay mo baka mamaya ..." I not allow him to continue what he say. Ayukong gawin ni Mark ang magpakatanga sa harap ko I want to remain the Mark that I love before the man in my dream.

" we just be friends Mark, I know I hurt you at hindi ako magtataka kung uusumpa mo pa ako after this pero I’m sorry I don’t want to be unfair" I walk hindi ko na kayang tingnan kung paano ko lalong dinudurog ang puso ni Mark. But Mark hug me from my back.

" why, we don’t we try Kathy, halos tatlong bwan din tayong nagsama I love you. mahirap paniwalaan but your the only girl who feel me this kind of love"

" I know Mark, pero makakaya mo bang tanggapin na araw- araw may takot sa isip mo na baka sa tuwing hindi mo ako kasama, kasama ko yung lalakeng totoong mahal ko, what if one day he loved me back?" humarap ako sa kanya but he never left his hand on my waist kaya nakita ko kung paano sya natigilan sa mga sinsabi ko. " do you allow me to let go? When that time comes?" he don’t need to answer I know kung ano sagot sa tanong ko. Mark loved me so much pero hindi sya hangal katulad ko.

I saw his face na pain bago sya tumungo at parang batang isiniksik sa leeg ko ang kanyang mukha. How you imagine Mark Salviron crying in my shoulder sa tangkad nia kailangan pa nyang i- adjust ang sariling katawan to make fit in my height. I hug him and I feel his hug me so tight. hinayaan ko lang syang umiyak because I know makakatulong iyon kahit papano to ease the pain. But I didn’t knew na pati ako umiiyak narin, I feel the pain that I brought Marks heart and its more hurt dahil ako umaasang mamahalin ng isang lalakeng minahal ko na yata ng buong buhay ko pero eto ako ngayon sinasaktan ko ang isang taong wala kasalanan kung di ang mahalin ako and I doubt kung kayang tumbasan ni Jan ang pagmamahal ni Mark para sakin. I feel he move ( siguro nangalay na sa pagkakayukod) but Mark was so damn stupid. He care for me after all.

" hey why you crying" ah may sira yata talaga tuktok nito after all I did he still cares parin why I cry.

" pssst I told you ayukong nakikita kang umiiyak, I hurts when I saw u cry" he start to wipe my tears, pero maslalo lang akong napaiyak dahil sa gesture na ginagawa nia. He hug me again at hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal umiyak sa dibdib ni Mark. I don’t know kung bakit ako umiiyak siguro dahil ang tanga-tanga ko to let go this kind of guy. Hinayaan lang ako ni Mark na umiiyak ng umiyak and when he know that I’m calm. Kumalas sya sa pagkakayakap sakin pero hindi para umalis, inangat nia ang mukha ko doon ko lang na- realized that he is cry also. Pero nawalan na ko ng time to analyzed that dahil Mark start to kiss me. He kiss me in forehead, down to my nose, next to my ears, to my cheek, and to my other ears, in my other cheeks.

" mark" I murmured his name try to stop him but I think Mark decided to what he do at binalot na sya ng sarili niang emotion.

Mark didn’t care how many times I said his name until he captured my lips, noon kuntento na ito na halikan ako. pero ngayon tila higit pa sa halik ang gusto nito. I don’t know kung bakit may nagtulak sakin to response to his kiss siguro just give him a last chance, a last kiss, But Mark made a trail with his lips from my neck to my cleavages. I held my breath I want to say Mark stop pero hindi ko maisatinig iyon. Until I feel naisandal na pala nia ako sa dingding while Mark back his lips on my lips, I don’t know how to response umaangal ang isang parte ng utak ko at nagsasabing I need to stop Mark bago pa kami may pagsisihan sa bandang huli but on the other side natatakot akong pahintuin si Mark dahil I know masasaktan ko nanaman sya. then naramdaman ko nalang I response again to his kiss, I put my two arms to his shoulder, but Mark hands grew restless, to my nape, travel his hand to my torso, I feel burning, I feel his hand to my back unhooked my bra. I try to stop Mark hand pero hindi ko iyon napigilan dahil maslalo niang idiniin ang mga labi nia sa labi ko before I knew it mark hand enjoy touching my nipples under my uniformed. I don’t know kung paano ko nagawang kontrolin ang nararamdaman ko I feel burning, I feel na para kong lalagnatin sa gingawa ni Mark and I admit I like what he do but I know that’s was wrong. When he break our kiss to nibbling my neck nagkaroon aq ng lakas ng loob na itulak si Mark but yet Mark more strong to me ni hindi manlang natinag, I said him to stop, pero Mark continue to kiss me, I don’t know how he unbutton my uniform ng hindi ko namamalwayan his lips down to my cleavage and I know kung saan papunta yun if I’m not stopped him at ayukong umabiot pa kami sa ganong sitwasyon dahil I don’t know kung kaya ko pa syang pigilan. I told him to stop again pero inangat lang nia ang mukha nia para halikan ulit ako sa labi pero umiwas na ko. I decided that I need to stop Mark, pero nagpumilit parin si Mark he kiss me every where his lips down in my face and neck dahil sa pagiwas ko I try na itulak sya and this time mas malakas may pwersa and I think hindi napaghandaan ni Mark iyon kaya nagawang kong mailayo ang katawan nia sakin he try to stop me, he hug me in my back while he said he love me but this time I think hindi ko sya dapat pakinggan I fix my self inayos ko ang damit ko even nanginginig ang buo kung katawan pero Mark not stop to kissing my back head kaya I force myself na humarap sa kanya at itulak sya but mark captured me and he try to kiss me again pero pumalag na ko and this time I feel he hurt me sa pamamagitan ng hawak at halik nia ilang beses kong tinawag ang pangalan nia nagbabakasakali akong magising sya pero binalot na yata si Mark ng emotion nia. Dahil kahit anong palag ko hindi nia tinigilan ang ginagawa nia kahit na sinabi kong nasasaktan na ko so I let him what he want dahil nawawalan na akong ng lakas dahil sa kakapalag ko sa kanya. wala akong nagawa kung di ang umiyak nalang. but I think yung iyak ko nagpagising kay Mark he stop want he doing I heard his sorry. and he hug me para aluin pero lalo lang ako napaiyak and because I feel he want to rape me nabalutan ng galit ang buo kong pagkato he try to calm me down pero hindi nia nagawa. Tumakbo ako palabas I know Vincent and Mercy was shock kung bakit ako umiiyak pero I let him kung ano man ang nasaisip nila I don’t care, all I want is to go home I feel something na hindi ko alam kung paano ko iha-handle ang galit ko hindi lang kay Mark kundi para sa sarili ko. Kung isang mang bagay ako ipinagpasalamat ko naayos ko na muna ang sarili ko bago ko nakatakbo palabas kung meron man akong nakalimutan iyon yung buhok ko I don’t want to left a bad conclusion kayna Vince at Mercy. Iginaya ako ni Mercy pababa ng hadan ayusin ko muan daw ang sarili ko. I Heard Vince na tinatanong si Mark kung anong nangyari pero hindi ko na narinig kung ano man ang sinagot nia pero. Mercy didn’t spaek any words and I thank her for doing that because I don’t know kung kaya kong sabihin sa kanya kung ano nangyari samin ni Mark sa loob. But while I fix my self we heard na may malakas na kalabog mula sa taas. I see Mercy's eyes some nervous sinabi nia na doon nalang daw ako sya nalang daw ang aakyat. I don’t know kung bakit may naramdaman akong takot kahit sa kabila ng nangyari. Nasa isip ko kung anong giangiawa nina Vince at Mark sa taas at natatakot ako na baka nagkasakitan na naman sila so I decided to look it for my self satisfiers but Vince already in stair to down wala akong nabakas na emotion na makikita sa mukha nia wala din akong nakitang tanda na nagkasakitan sila ni Mark. I all I heard is asking me if I’m ready, ihahatid na daw nia ko but I told him I that I am ok, I can go, but Vince is like Mark ipipilit nito ang gusto nito no matter want takes hindi na nakapagtatakang naging magkasundo ang dalawa. Pumayag nalang ako kesa makipagtalo. But I told him hanggang sakayan nalang sa taas ng Baytown I can go home by Jeep I want to be alone for a while I told him na maskailangan sya ni Mark this time. And I thanks na hindi na nakipag-agremento si Vince about that.
Until makauwi ako I don’t know kung ano ang nararamdaman ko. In one part of my head humanga ako kay Mark, for the first time in my life I saw one guy crying sa mismong harap ng isang babae just to show and proved how he love her. But its to late para sabihin ko iyon kay Mark because I admit it or not until now I afraid kahit Makita malang sya. Hanggang sa mga sandaling iyo hindi ko parin maisip namakakayang gawin ni Mark iyon but of course I give him a doubt I know na nasaktan ko sya but of course I give myself a doubt too hindi ko kasalanang magmahal ng iba. Maniwala man sila o hindi I don’t want to hurt Mark coz I know how much he love me I feel it and I saw that pero hindi ko kayang mag stay sa isang relationship kung hindi ako nakakasiguradong kaya kong ibigay ang 100% nang puso ko. But I could try at siguro yun ang gagawin ko when I decided na sagutin si Dennis but of course hindi pa ngayon I want to make my self to know him, know him to like him dahil kung si Jan ang hihintayin ko baka lola na ko hindi pa ko natutunang mahalin nun.

" ano matatawag mo na ba kong baliw after what happened sakin kanina na muntikan na kong mapahamak eto ako kung sino-sino ang iniisip, well that’s me siguro ganun lang kaluwang ang isip ko o turnilyo sa utak, hindi ako makitid I always open to a reason, and I know Mark have a reason nadala lang sya sa emotion nia I don’t tell na napatawad ko agad sya after that teka pwedi bang maghintay ka pagdating ng time na yun sa kwento ikukuweto ko naman iyo eh sino-short-cut mo naman ang kwento ko eh he he he he"

to be continue.............